Dear 'Everything' Blog...

I havent posted in a pretty long time, but it is not because I dont want to. It is amazing how prayers are answered in ways that we need them most, even if it isnt the answer we wanted or anticipated. I prayed that I would be less idol with my time. 100 years are all I have to determine a fate that will last for literally an eternity, and I felt like my progress was stopped, which my teacher said meant that I was going backwards( like trying to ice skate up hill). So I prayed. And I got a pretty full schedule. Ok, an overbearingly full schedule. Looking back I remember how hard it was to keep my burdens balanced. I had work, homework, school, colorguard, chamber choir, concert choir, ensembles, field performances, Young womens, Youth committee, two huge college classes, chores, semenary, family times, and then any problems I was having with friends, family, boys whatever. Mom broke her foot, so I also became half a mother too doing dinner, kids, whatever I could do to lesson the chance she would have to get surgery. The 15 seater van broke down, dad's truck failed when he was in wisconson, we were worried about money for a long time...I had a very full plate. Still I somehow managed to let the sun shine through this really difficult trial, with a little help from my leaders and some very understanding friends, I managed to stay happy and positive. It isnt over yet, this trial of mine. But I dont think it will ever be. This is a part of growing up no one ever warned me about. No one told me that I would have to give up all time to myself just to get things done. No one said that my 6 hours of sleep each night was as close to personal time and stand still as I would get. No one told me that there would be a point where my time was no longer mine to spend. One of the hardest things I went through was keeping myself together. When I am stressed, I tend to let it out by working untill my fingers fall off to get the work done. The hard part was when as the oldest child I was needed, I was needed but I didnt have any time to offer. Some would get frustrated with me, saying I was selfish and needed to be more organized, less self centered. Harsh huh? It hurt. That was the last thing that I had supposed I was doing...being selfish...I thought that I was the least selfish I had ever been before in my life. I was sad, stressed and of course angry all the time. People noticed that I wasnt my usual perky self and got worried, but I never thoutht anyone cared about me because no one did anything to help. I think that they didnt know how.Thats where my leaders helped me out. They listened, and advised. Talked little, nodded alot. Then through their advise, I turned my focus to the big picture instead of focusing on my problems, making My Father in Heaven the most important person I could ever please, or trying to. Thats the goal right? Its definitly not easy, and I mess up alot, but I am getting better at it i think. People are like that though. We all mess up, fall and skid our knees, usually letting someone else who was depending on us down. But we get up and try again, its our nature. I have learned through all of this that my Father never 'messes up'. He doesnt fall, skid his knees or let anyone down, and yet he recieves the least thanks. He knows everything, even that a 17 year old girl in Missouri was having too many issues for the tissue box who didnt feel like she had anyone to turn to or confide in...no one to just listen to her. He also knows that she made a promise to rely on him in everything, and will do her best to let him feel pleased with her progress here on earth.