I was able to go to the La'ie Temple today with my ward family to do baptisms. A member of the Temple Presidency came into the chapel while we were waiting and spoke to us for a few minutes...It is times like these that I am sincerely grateful that I am able to attend the temple. He spoke a lot about being worthy to enter, and that those who were worthy would receive spiritual nourishment and revelation. He also emphasized that going to the Temple will not solve all of your problems. Just because you attend all the time or do a ton of work does not mean that your problems are going to disappear or that you will have none. However, it is by being worthy to enter the temple, striving to be close to the Spirit and actively "knocking" that we are able to receive comfort, insight, peace, an extra measure of strength, understanding and so much more that will help US solve the very problems we struggle with. But in the end, it must be us that does the deed. It is important to recognize often that the Temple is a place of learning, and just like school, it is what you do with the knowledge that makes it valuable.
Something he said towards the end of his testimony made me feel as if the words were mean specifically for me. He mentioned an experience he had had being a first counselor in a bishopric a long time ago. After counseling with different members of the ward, the bishop would state that he just didn't understand why people would choose commit sin or would falter in the process of repentance. He really was exasperated and could think of no explanation. Finally, the day came when this young first counselor spoke up after one of these not terribly uncommon "vents" the bishop would do. He said something along the lines of: "...No Bishop...and you will never understand unless you have sinned and needed to go through your own long process of repentance. People who have made serious mistakes in their life that have required a rigorous repentance process have an extremely unique and Christlike way of relating to eachother's circumstances." He went on to explain to the Bishop that he did not mean that in order to have compassion on these people he had to sin and make bad choices, but certainly that those people who have sinned, who have made bad choices and then turned their life around, have a certain compassion for their brothers and sisters in the same situation that is found no where else. When he said this I thought of how the Savior descended below it all, sins/weaknesses/sickness/pain/disappointment - every bad thing not only sin- so that he could succor his people and understand them. By understanding the harshness of every bad situation and the sweat it takes to pull yourself out of it, He is able to have compassion on us - perfectly.
Its so wonderful to me that I am beginning to understand the role my weaknesses have played in my life and how to use them to propel me closer to my Heavenly Father rather then farther away (with self hate because I am weak). We were given weakness that we would be humble, and so that the Savior could transform them into strengths. That process is painful, but in the end will become sacred to us as we realize that the lessons we learn from those purifying trials have helped us become more perfect in the best way - A book I read recently said it perfectly:
"We know from the fourth article of faith that the first principles of the gospel are faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and repentance. Self-forgiveness requires both. Changing our heart and behavior - repentance- is only one step toward self-forgiveness. Overcoming our doubts about God's will and power to save us "unworthy creatures" (Mosiah 4:11) - faith in Christ - is the other.
This plan was laid out in the beginning by our Heavenly Father. It gives us access to the rich but dangerous experiences of mortality with full assurance that we can still return to God. This plan required a perfect Redeemer to live a sinless life and then experience through the Atonement all the consequences of sin and mortality that we undergo here. In this way He could be our perfect Judge. He fully understands all our grievances against one another. He also understands the private pains out of which we injure one another. He fully empathizes with ever one of us. In His omnipotence He is uniquely able to pay all our debts to one another, in part because there are no liens against Him.
Satan had, and still has, a different plan- one that requires each of us to be flawless so that no one would suffer at the hands of another. No one would have to feel pain or regret for sin because there would be no sinning. We would all be perfect in the sense of committing no wrongs. But in this plan we cold never be perfect in the sense of being whole, complete, and like our Father -who is perfect because He fully understands all the options, none of which are closed to Him, and yet chooses good.
There would have been no real need for a Savior in this plan, but Satan wanted the credit for coming up this alternative plan. He wanted to be the Only Begotten, the beloved and sinless Firstborn. Sometimes we also long for that chosen status out of fear that we cannont really be loved by God unless we too are flawless.
In contrast, the Savior humble offers to share with us all that He has. He acknowledges that we too have a difficult path to walk in mortality. He did His job so we could do ours. Because I struggle not to resent what others cost me or take comfort in my supposed superiority, I struggle to imagine a Christ who is neither resentful about what I have cost Him nor proud of His superiority. This plan requires humility from all who desire its full benefits."
- (Wendy Ulrich, PH.D. "Forgiving Ourselves")
I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. He lives, not just in sacred books or in the minds and hearts of His disciples, but as an physical being. I know that His Atonement will work miracles in every heart that will let him. Our battle isn't really with other people or even with the wickedness of world as a whole. Our battle is with ourselves. I know the Savior knows each of us better then we could ever comprehend in this lifetime, our potential/weaknesses/fears/dreams... and if we would just believe him - trust him like we profess we do to know what is best - take that leap of faith and turn our will over to him..I believe that in return we will be endowed with every good blessing our kind and loving Father in Heaven ever in his heart has wanted to bestow upon us. The gospel is true :)
Mountains To Climb
-Jess
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